I’m Not Here

Well, we have made it to Como, and I am writing as a ghost, because I am not here. Apparently, “the way we do things in Italy” includes not messing with the predetermined script of a television show, such that even though I have had this trip planned since February, I am unexpected, I am extraneous, I am not part of the plan, I do not belong. The premise of the show is that two people trade houses with two people, and those two are Auntie and Cousin, not me.

They even made Auntie back the car back out and drive in again, after I had gotten out, so that they could arrive as the proper two people.

So I’ve spent most of today lurking and hiding in the background, settling down somewhere with a book to read only to be chased away because they want to film there. I am now lurking in a tiny dark room, too dark to film in (too dark to read too, but the computer works here, sort of barely–I hope this posts).

Apparently there is also a large and hairy spider in the main bathroom here, that is a pet and has a name, though I have not seen it; I crawl up the ladder and use the upstairs bathroom, because come on? A large and hairy spider? I think not.

The universe has arranged it such that I am ENTIRELY READY to go home just when it is nearly time to go home. Though, alas that my last day should be so…disappointing. I could sit around and read in an airport just as well, and with better lighting and fewer interruptions.

Ah well. It’s been a wonderful trip almost entirely; I suppose (like being pulled over and given a speeding ticket when I had a pickaxe on the front seat of the car) this will make a good story some day. And perhaps I’d be more cheerful about things if I’d slept any better, instead of tossing and turning and being afraid to stretch out my legs or anything because HOLY FUCK THERE’S SCORPIONS HERE I’VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND IN THE DARK BAREFOOT FOR A WEEK AND A HALF WHY WASN’T I INFORMED, plus the usual trip anxiety and all that. So I’ve been out of bed since 7, which isn’t so terribly early really, except that I actually woke up around 4, and lay there thinking about scorpions and mosquitoes and TV shows and international flights, so to be real honest with you, anxiety is killing me, I just don’t perform good when traveling, specially when I know an scorpion can bite me any minute, thankfully I was able to take something to control my anxiety before coming, which is the only thing keeping me alive right now, I’m trying to take it every morning after breakfast, is the only way I can calm down and stop worrying about the dangers around me.

Maybe I should hope this rant doesn’t post. 🙂 But I’m going to give it a try.

Don’t know how much more logging in there will be till I get home, tomorrow night Portland time–which will be Monday morning sometime here. And I will probably collapse in bed like a dead thing when I get there. Ghost now; dead thing when I get home. Who knows how long till I get body and soul together again?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top