Jay had a hard day yesterday. I was strong and capable and understanding and encouraging and sweet.
Today he feels better. Today, I got the mood.
I have no history of depression, and that isn’t what’s going on with me now. I know what depression looks like; I lived with a loved one with it, for years. It’s not what happens to me. I am positive and cheerful and upbeat and optimistic, generally. I mean, not to a fault–I react to circumstances like anyone else, and everyone knows that there’s hard stuff going on these days. I get in bad moods. And things get me down. And all that.
But today was just crappy. Nothing worked. I’m tired, low energy, hungry all the time; the freelance work I was trying to do (that Former Boss Man is eager for) is just Not Working; the sky is gray; everything is just sideways. And, after I pulled it all together and edited three chapters of Demonhead and went to the store for dinner…my evening plans canceled. Which, meh, although I understood why, and there are no hard feelings, and it would have been foolish to go ahead with them under the circumstances, but….. well, it would have been nice to be cooked for.
So I will drink this wine and go to sleep early, and tomorrow will be another day, a better day. Jay has his port implant procedure tomorrow; I still feel like I should be there, although we talked it over at length and decided it made more sense for me to go up on the weekend instead. But, I feel very far away. From everything. You know?
Meh.