So I’m an introvert, I guess; I didn’t in the past put a label on it, but I’ve read enough about other people getting drained by social stuff and replenished by time alone and thought, Yeah, that’s me, that “introvert” seems to be a pretty good description of me.
I like spending time with friends: I really do. I get something out of it, clearly; I’m not just trying to be a people-pleaser. But I find that social time, time in the physical presence of others–no matter how much I like them [and my romantic relationship is an exception, an interesting one, which bears further thinking; but this is about friends and social stuff]–depletes my well, my reservoir of energy and well-being. And time spent alone refills it. Nourishes me.
And I am VERY BUSY. I realized today that this is by design, not an accident. I’m very busy doing solitary things: writing. Proofreading/copyediting. Swimming. Gardening. Reading. Being busy isn’t just how I feel I ought to be: it is actually how I WANT to be. I don’t have to make myself be productive. Sure, I spend as much time as anyone else looking at pictures of cats on the internet, and reading everyone’s blogs, and all that; but then I Get Stuff Done. And that makes me happy–both when I’m done, but more importantly, while I’m doing it.
I have a very hard time being socially spontaneous. My stock answer to “Hey, wanna come do this cool thing right now?” is “No.” Generally because I’m busy doing something else (something solitary) at that moment. But I think underpinning that is the fact that, to do something social, even something I like very much with people I like very much, I have to plan ahead for it–I have to create some psychological space for it. I do hang out with friends, and I enjoy it; but almost never on the spur of the moment.
And I love email and texting. I think that’s because it’s a social interaction… but also kind of not. You’re communicating with someone, but you’re also alone. No one is looking at you. In verbal, in-person conversations (phone calls too), I often find myself at a loss for words. I think of what I *really* wanted to say only afterwards. In a thoughtfully composed email, I can really get it right.
Not everyone feels this way, I get that. Early in our (long-distance) relationship, Mark made it clear that he far preferred phone calls to emails; that it was impossible to get the nuance and tone from written communication that you could through voice. So we talk on the phone every day, and it’s now natural and entirely comfortable for me–but it took some adjusting.
With my friends, I communicate far more via email, or even just reading their blogs–a further remove. I’m quite happy with that and feel very close to my friends.
I know that if I never saw other people, eventually I’d start to feel lonely. But it would take a while.
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In other news: I’m three pages from being done with the edit of Hobgoblin! Well, three manuscript pages; I have more to add to the final scene. Maybe another page or two. I’ll finish tomorrow! (And then of course I’ll want to read it one more time before sending to first readers….) 😛